1 Then Joseph could not control himself before all those who stood by him, and he cried, "Have everyone go out from me." So there was no man with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. 2 He wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard of it. 3 Then Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?" But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed [terrified] at his presence.
Verses 1-15 are the key to the wider Joseph narrative. At this point, Joseph is in a position of total authority. As second in power to Pharaoh, he has no obligation to provide his brothers with due process of law. He has saved Egypt from the effects of a ruinous famine, and enjoys Pharaoh's complete trust. If he chooses to enslave his brothers, he is free to do so. If he decides to imprison them in his old cell, he can do that. If he decides to have them executed, his servants will carry out his order without hesitation. However, he is subject to God's authority, and it will be his relationship to God and his understanding of God's providential care that will dictate his actions with regard to his brothers.
"Then Joseph couldn't control himself before all those who stood before him, and he cried, 'Cause everyone to go out from me!' No one else stood with him, while Joseph made himself known to his brothers" (v. 1). As noted above, Joseph has had two previous encounters with his brothers in which he managed to keep secret his identity-although on both occasions he was overcome by emotion and had to leave the room lest his brothers see him weep (42:24; 43:30).
On this occasion, Joseph remains in the room with his brothers, but sends everyone except his brothers from the room so that he might encounter his brothers privately-so that this might be a family rather than a public affair.
"He wept aloud. The Egyptians heard, and the house of Pharaoh heard" (v. 2). Even though he dismissed his retinue, they would not have gone far. Servants of rulers must remain nearby to respond to orders and/or to protect the ruler. Joseph's retinue might be on the other side of a closed door, or they might simply be in an adjacent room with no closed door to shield the sound of Joseph's weeping. When Joseph began to weep so profusely, it must have thoroughly confused his brothers, who have had no hint that this great ruler is Joseph. Their relationship with him in Egypt has been confusing from the beginning. It would have been unusual for people coming to buy grain to be granted an audience with Egypt's second-in-command, but this is their third appearance before the great man. On each of the other occasions, they had been frightened by Joseph's accusation that they were spies-or by finding their money in their sacks-or by finding Joseph's silver cup in their sack. Joseph had forced them to leave Simeon as a hostage on the first occasion, and had threatened to enslave Benjamin on the second occasion. Joseph has thoroughly intimidated his brothers, so his loud weeping in their presence is completely inexplicable. They must wonder what terrible thing he will do to them now. They might even wonder if he has become unbalanced.
"Joseph said to his brothers, 'I am Joseph! Does my father still live?'" (v. 3a). Joseph finally reveals his identity to his brothers. His first concern is his father. It has been at least 22 years since he has seen his father. He asks if his father is still alive. It is quite possible that his father has died during his long absence.
"His brothers couldn't answer him; for they were terrified at his presence" (v. 3). Joseph's brothers are stunned into silence. In their wildest imagination, they could not have guessed that their brother would become second only to Pharaoh in Egypt-or that he would exercise control over a food supply that would stave off starvation not only in Egypt, but in adjacent lands as well-or that he would sit before them in regal splendor as they came petitioning to buy food. However, Joseph's dream in chapter 37 gave them a glimpse of the future-a glimpse that caused them to hate him and to sell him into captivity. They had chosen not to believe his dream, but now they find themselves exposed suddenly to its fulfillment.
GENESIS 45:4-8. GOD SENT ME TO PRESERVE LIFE
4 Then Joseph said to his brothers, "Please come closer to me." And they came closer. And he said, "I am your brother Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. 5 Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. 6 For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are still five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvesting. 7 God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth, and to keep you alive by a great deliverance. 8 Now, therefore, it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh and lord of all his household and ruler over all the land of Egypt.
"They came near. "He said, I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into Egypt" (v. 4). Joseph repeats his assertion of verse 3-adding "whom you sold into Egypt." It is clear that he has not forgotten their treachery. These words, "whom you sold into Egypt," must have fallen on his brothers like a ton of bricks.
"Now don't be grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that you sold me here" (v. 5a). This is quite a dramatic announcement-the brothers' first reassurance that Joseph will not hold them fully accountable for their treachery. However, events are moving so fast that the brothers must be having difficult processing the dramatic turns of events. Can this great man of Egypt really be their brother? Is this some kind of torturous joke? If this is Joseph, how did he rise to such power? If this is Joseph, what will that mean for them? They must feel like a fly trapped in a sticky web-watching the spider approach.
"for God sent me before you to preserve life" (v. 5b). This does not mean that the brothers are guiltless, as Joseph will acknowledge later when he says, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good" (50:20). The fact that God can give an evil deed a positive outcome does not remove the guilt of the evildoer. The New Testament does not absolve Judas for betraying Jesus, even though the cross was part of God's plan that would lead to the resurrection. Neither does it absolve Pilate, Herod, or the religious authorities who were involved in the decision to crucify Jesus. Good Friday evildoers do not become saints because of God's work on Easter.
"for God sent me before you to preserve life" (v. 5b). God did not cause the brothers to commit a sin, but simply turned the effects of their sin from bad to good. It is God's actions that deserve celebration here-not the earlier sinful actions of the brothers. Joseph has every right to hold his brothers fully accountable for selling him into slavery, but chooses not to do so-chooses to turn his spiritual eyes from their evil deed to God's good end. It is a moment of pure grace. Fretheim says, "What God has done stands independent of the brothers' repentance" (Fretheim, 646). However, the brothers have not failed to repent. After Joseph ordered them to leave Simeon as a hostage and to return with their brother Benjamin, they said, "We are certainly guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the distress of his soul, when he begged us, and we wouldn't listen. Therefore this distress has come upon us" (42:21). They said that in Joseph's presence, not realizing that he could understand them, so Joseph is aware of their repentance. It is clear that their guilt has weighed on them all these years-a guilt that deepened each time they observed their father's grief.
"For these two years the famine has been in the land, and there are yet five years, in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest" (v. 6). Joseph was 17 years old when he had his dream (37:2). He was 30 years old when he entered Pharaoh's service (41:46). Seven years of plenty and two years of famine have passed since Joseph entered Pharaoh's service. Joseph is therefore at least 39 years old, which means that it has been at least 22 years since his boyhood dream and, presumably, since his brothers sold him into slavery.
"God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth, and to save you alive by a great deliverance" (v. 7). This word, "remnant," has special significance in the Bible, and is "applied to three types of groups: (1) The first is simply a historical remnant made up of survivors of a catastrophe. (2) The second consists of the faithful remnant, distinguished from the former group by their genuine spirituality and true faith relationship with God; this remnant is the carrier of all divine election promises. (3) The third is most appro-priately designated the eschatological remnant, consisting of those of the faithful remnant who go through the cleansing judgments and apocalyptic woes of the end time and emerge victoriously after the Day of Yahweh as the recipients of the everlasting kingdom" (G.F. Hasel in Bromiley, IV, 131).
It is in the first sense (a historical remnant) that Joseph's brothers constitute a remnant. They have not been faithful-quite the opposite-but God sometimes chooses people like Jacob, the schemer-and Moses, who tried to talk his way out of the honor-and these unworthy brothers. The faithful remnant will include "those who survived the wilderness wanderings to enter the promised land," ...the inhabitants of the former northern kingdom of Israel who escaped the Assyrian deportation, ...(and) those who returned to Judah after the Babylonian Exile"
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"So now it wasn't you who sent me here, but God" (v. 8a). This is Joseph's third statement that it was God who sent him to Egypt (vv. 5, 7).
"and he has made me a father to Pharaoh, lord of all his house, and ruler over all the land of Egypt"(v. 8b). The phrase, "a father to Pharaoh" means Pharaoh's "chief adviser" (Wenham, 428). The brothers have no doubt been amazed to find Joseph on an Egyptian throne. How could that have happened? Joseph tells them that it happened at the hand of God.
GENESIS 45:9-15. GOD MADE ME LORD OF EGYPT
9 Hurry and go up to my father, and say to him, 'Thus says your son Joseph, "God has made me lord of all Egypt; come down to me, do not delay. 10 You shall live in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children and your children's children and your flocks and your herds and all that you have. 11 There I will also provide for you, for there are still five years of famine to come, and you and your household and all that you have would be impoverished."' 12 Behold, your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin see, that it is my mouth which is speaking to you. 13 Now you must tell my father of all my splendor in Egypt, and all that you have seen; and you must hurry and bring my father down here." 14 Then he fell on his brother Benjamin's neck and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck. 15 He kissed all his brothers and wept on them, and afterward his brothers talked with him.
"Hurry, and go up to my father, and tell him, 'This is what your son Joseph says, "God has made me lord of all Egypt. Come down to me. Don't wait"'" (v. 9). Joseph, who has learned over the past nine years to command subordinates, issues commands to his brothers-but his commands are not onerous, but welcome. The analogy today would be a quiz show host who would command, "Come on down!"-meaning "Come and claim your prize!" Joseph's first concern is his father. Like any son who has done well, he wants his father to know of his success and to share its fruits.
"You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you will be near to me, you, your children, your children's children, your flocks, your herds, and all that you have" (v. 10). The land of Goshen is located in the Nile delta. This delta is located near where the Nile empties into the Mediterranean Sea-in the northern reaches of the Nile. The exact location of Goshen is uncertain, but it is probably a wedge-shaped area between two arms of the Nile running north and east from Cairo to the Mediterranean. River deltas are formed by silt deposits from the river with which they are associated. In the Nile delta, these silt deposits are 50 to 75 feet deep-50 to 75 feet of good topsoil (Encyclopedia Britannica). A river delta is roughly triangular in shape, because the river fans out into multiple branches before emptying into the sea. Because of the silt deposits and availability of water for irrigation, deltas are among the most fertile agricultural lands in the world. The river also provides transportation, enhancing commerce. As a result, river deltas tend to be prosperous-their one problem being periodic flooding. The Nile delta is one of the three largest river deltas in the world. Suffice it to say that Joseph has chosen well by settling his family in Goshen. It is a prosperous land located near the seat of power-the place from which Joseph oversees Egypt.
"There I will nourish you; for there are yet five years of famine; lest you come to poverty, you, and your household, and all that you have" (v. 11). Even though Goshen is a fertile land, Joseph knows that his family cannot survive by farming it during the five years remaining in the famine. Joseph is responsible for the oversight of the great food supply that he stored during the time of plenty, and promises to provide for his family during the five lean years still remaining.
"Behold, your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin, that it is my mouth that speaks to you" (v. 12). Joseph's brothers need no proof that this is Joseph. They failed to recognize him until he identified himself, because he has matured during his 22 years in Egypt and would be attired and groomed in the manner of a ruler. Also, he is the last person they expected to see sitting on a throne of Egypt, and people often see what they expect to see and fail to see the unexpected. Now that Joseph has identified himself, however, his brothers can verify his identity with their own eyes. They can recognize his voice and his mannerisms. They know that this is Joseph.
"You shall tell my father of all my glory in Egypt, and of all that you have seen. You shall hurry and bring my father down here" (v. 13). Joseph opened his speech with concern for his father (v. 9), and he now closes it with the same concern. He wants his father to know of his success so that his father will not hesitate to travel to Egypt.
"He fell on his brother Benjamin's neck, and wept, and Benjamin wept on his neck" (v. 14). Joseph and Benjamin are the two sons most beloved by their father. They are the only two sons of Rachel, Jacob's beloved wife. As noted above, Benjamin is Joseph's only full brother.
"He kissed all his brothers, and wept on them. After that his brothers talked with him" (v. 15). Until now, Joseph has been a commanding figure, fully in control of the situation. Now, however, he allows himself to demonstrate a tender side that makes possible a reconciliation with his family.
GENESIS 50: POSTSCRIPT
Chapter 50, the last chapter of this book, tells of Israel's death and burial "in the cave of the field of Machpelah, which Abraham bought with the field, for a possession of a burial site, from Ephron the Hittite, before Mamre" (50:13). After the burial, Joseph's brothers fear that he will punish them for selling him into slavery as a young man. They beg Joseph for forgiveness. Joseph responds:
19 But Joseph said to them, "Do not be afraid, for am I in God's place? 20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive. 21 So therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones." So he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.
The account in 50:15-21 sounds very much like that of 45:1-15. Both accounts speak of the brothers' fear, Joseph's reassurance that their actions were part of God's plan, and his assurance that he will take care of his brothers in spite of their earlier sin. However, the later incident shows that Joseph's brothers are not confident of his good will. They still bear their guilt and fear punishment now that they no longer enjoy their father's protection. However, Joseph reassures them that they are safe and in his care.
In the earlier account, there was no mention of forgiveness. In the later account, the brothers' specifically ask to be forgiven. While Joseph does not use forgiveness language, it is clear that he intends his reassurance to convey his forgiveness.
Gen. 45:1-15 - Cole - Bible.org
There is perhaps nothing so moving as witnessing a fractured family being reconciled and reunited. That's why Genesis 45 is such a moving chapter. We are allowed to look in on the reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers after 22 years of separation and estrangement. After Judah's impassioned plea on behalf of Benjamin and their father (44:18-34), Joseph saw that his brothers had truly repented of their terrible sin of selling him into slavery. So he let himself go in a torrent of emotion, telling his brothers through his tears, "I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?" He knew that his dad was alive, but he wanted to hear it again, just to make sure
Imagine the rush of confusion and horror which swept over Joseph's brothers when they heard this Egyptian governor say, "I am Joseph." Judah had just finished his appeal when the governor's chest began to heave with emotion. The brothers wouldn't have known whether he was angry or what. Then he shouted something in Egyptian and all his attendants rushed out of the room. Then this man broke into prolonged loud sobbing. The text compresses the story, but as you know, it takes several minutes for someone who is sobbing to calm down enough to talk.
Then, of all things, he spoke in Hebrew! Until now he had spoken only in Egyptian through an interpreter. For 22 years they had spread the rumor that Joseph was dead, to the point that they believed it themselves. To hear Joseph speak was like hearing a corpse talk. And to hear this powerful ruler now say, "I am Joseph," after what they had done to him, their blood ran cold. The word translated "dismayed" (45:3) means to be terrified. It is used to describe the feeling which swept over a group of men in battle when suddenly the enemy turned on them and they realized they were doomed (Judges 20:41). Joseph's brothers thought, "This is it! We've had it!" They were struck speechless. In fact, up to verse 15, Joseph does all the talking.
The brothers' shock over who this man was could only have been increased by what he said. So far as they could tell, there was no anger or bitterness. They would have expected him to say, "You guys treated me like dirt. For 22 years I've been waiting for this moment. Now you're going to get it." But there was no hint of revenge. Instead, Joseph spoke kindly to them and showed every intention of treating them well. He promised to provide for them and their children through the coming years of famine. He finished by kissing not only Benjamin, who hadn't been a part of their treachery against Joseph, but also each of his brothers, weeping on their shoulders. It must have blown them away. Finally, they were able to talk, and what a conversation it must have been!
Joseph shows us the key to being reconciled to those who have deeply hurt us, whether they are family members or friends: The key to reconciliation is your attitude and the key to your attitude is submitting yourself to the sovereign God.
▪ The remarkable thing about Joseph's life was not his brilliance. It was not his administrative ability, although he was gifted there. It was his attitude, especially in response to unfair treatment. And the reason for his attitude was his relationship to the sovereign God.
The right attitude is at the center of good relationships. As you think about people who are easy to get along with, are they grumpy, negative, angry, bitter, vindictive, sarcastic, touchy? Of course not. They're pleasant, positive, relaxed, forgiving, kind, not quick to take offense or hold a grudge. These are attitudes. Reconciliation between Joseph and his brothers never would have taken place if Joseph had harbored a rotten attitude. His forgiving, kind, loving, caring, pleasant attitude, in spite of the horrible rejection and harsh treatment he had received from his brothers, opened the way for them now to be reconciled to him. As hard a pill as it is to swallow, the key to being reconciled to a family member or friend from whom you are estranged lies in your attitude. I know what you are thinking: What about his or her attitude? I'll talk about that in a moment. Obviously, at some point their attitude also has to change for reconciliation to be complete. But often the key to bringing them to change is when they see how you have responded to the wrong things they have done to you. Often it is the offended person, like Joseph here, who must take the initiative in reconciliation.
When someone wrongs you, you have some choices to make. You may not think so, since your initial response is usually visceral. Usually you feel angry. But after you cool down, you have some important choices to make. Many in Joseph's situation would have allowed the hurt feelings to grow into a monster which dominated their lives. They would become angry, bitter, hostile people. If they ever met these rotten brothers again, they would be gunning for them. Or at best, they would never let them forget what they had done, and that they were the cause of the person's own sufferings.
But there's another choice: You can respond as Joseph did. It may have taken him some time to work through things. It usually does. But he didn't stew about it for years. If he had, his bitter spirit would have precluded him from rising to the top in Potiphar's household and in the prison. He must have dealt with his attitude early on. The sooner you get to work on it, the better, because the Bible calls bitterness a root (Heb. 12:15), and as you know, a root is easier to pull out when you don't let it grow for years.
Joseph made a choice before God to forgive his brothers and to trust God to deal with them and to right the wrongs. To forgive means that you choose to absorb the pain and loss caused by the other person and they go free, even when they don't deserve it. Forgiveness is costly for the one doing the forgiving. When God forgives our sins in Christ, it doesn't mean that He brushes them aside. It means that Jesus Christ paid the penalty so that we could go free. Jesus said that just as God has forgiven us, so we must forgive others from our hearts (Matt. 18:21‑35).
So the key to reconciliation is your attitude. Ask God to give you His love and forgiveness toward the one who has wronged you. You've got to focus on your attitude, not on the other person's behavior or attitude. It's clear that Joseph had forgiven his brothers long before they came to a place of repentance.
You're probably thinking, "But I don't feel forgiving toward that person. If I'm honest with my feelings, I'd have to say that I want that person to pay for what he did to me. How can I have a forgiving attitude when I feel like inflicting revenge or at least praying that God would inflict revenge?" The key to reconciliation is your attitude. And,
2. The key to your attitude is submitting yourself to the sovereign God.
One of the most noticeable characteristics of Joseph throughout these chapters is the centrality of God in his life. This is such an important concept, if only we could grasp it in our daily lives. So often, even for Christians, God is a part of their lives, but He's not at the center. He is a spoke in the wheel of life, but He's not the hub. But for Joseph, everything centered on God.
When Potiphar's wife tried to seduce Joseph, he immediately thought of God: "How then could I do this great evil, and sin against God?" (39:9). When Joseph was in the dungeon and the cupbearer and baker had their dreams, Joseph's response was, "Do not interpretations belong to God?" (40:8). When he was called before Pharaoh, who said, "I hear you can interpret dreams," Joseph said, "It is not in me; God will give Pharaoh a favorable answer." (41:16). And in giving Pharaoh the interpretation, Joseph used God's name four times to underscore to Pharaoh that it was God who was telling Pharaoh what was about to happen (41:25, 28, 32).
When Joseph's wife bore him two sons, he gave them names which bore witness to God's faithfulness. He named the first Manasseh, saying, "God has made me forget all my trouble ..."; and he named the second Ephraim, saying, "God has made me fruitful ..." (41:51, 52). When Joseph's brothers came to buy grain, even though Joseph wanted to disguise himself from them, he could not hide his relationship with God. He told them, "Do this and live, for I fear God" (42:18). When they returned with Benjamin, Joseph, still disguising himself, said to his brother, "May God be gracious to you, my son" (43:29). Joseph's steward had told the worried brothers concerning the money returned to their sacks, "Your God and the God of your father has given you treasure in your sacks" (43:23). Obviously, Joseph had told the steward to say that.
At the end of Genesis, when Joseph's brothers feared that he would pay them back now that their father was dead, he replied, "Do not be afraid, for am I in God's place? And as for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive" (50:19, 20). Just before his death, Joseph said to his brothers, "I am about to die, but God will surely take care of you, and bring you up from this land to the land which He promised on oath to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob" (50:24, 25).
From the first to the last, the sovereign God was at the center of Joseph's life. Notice this emphasis in our text: "... for God sent me before you to preserve life" (45:5); "And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant in the earth" (45:7); "Now, therefore, it was not you who sent me here, but God; and He has made me a father to Pharaoh ..." (45:8); "Hurry and go up to my father, and say to him, 'Thus says your son Joseph, "God has made me lord of all Egypt"'" (45:9).
Some have wondered if Joseph's telling his father of his splendor in Egypt was pride on Joseph's part. But in light of his relationship to God, I think not. Rather, by emphasizing his position and wealth, Joseph was trying to get his brothers and father to see that God had worked everything out right, so that they would trust in God and be reconciled to one another. And, he wanted Jacob to hear of his circumstances so that he would praise God for His ways, which had worked together for good. That's why God is the subject of Joseph's first sentence to his father (45:9). He wanted his father to know what God had done.
There are two practical lessons for us which flow from Joseph's relationship to God:
(1) You must learn to relate God to every event in your life, whether good or seemingly bad. Joseph had some things happen to him which were very unfair and unpleasant at the time. He went, in obedience to his father, to find out the welfare of his brothers, only to have them sell him into slavery. He resisted Potiphar's wife and maintained his moral purity only to be falsely accused and thrown in prison. He was kind and sensitive toward the cupbearer and baker in interpreting their dreams, only to have the cupbearer forget him for the next two years. And yet Joseph related God to all these unfair events.
To do this, you've got to look past what seem to be the primary causes, to God who is really the primary cause. It looks like somebody mistreated you; but really, it is God disciplining you as a loving father disciplines his child. The apostle Paul did this. To all outward appearances, it looked like he was a prisoner of Caesar. But he never referred to himself that way. Rather, it was always, "Paul, a prisoner of Christ Jesus." Yes, Rome had wrongly thrown Paul in prison; but it wasn't Rome‑‑it was the Lord! Even if it's Satan who is causing you problems (which is relatively rare), he can't do anything which God hasn't allowed him to do. God's purpose in all the things which seem to be against you is to bring ultimate glory to Himself and good to you as you trust Him. That leads to the second lesson. Once you see that God is related to every event, then ...
(2) You must submit to God's sovereignty in every event in your life. This is a matter of the heart, where you trust that He is good and that He is in control, even when it seems otherwise. Your only other option is to believe that what happens is a matter of chance. That's the evolutionist's explanation for life: We're here as the product of chance plus time. Maybe we can pull some of our own strings to improve our lot, but some things are just due to chance. But many Christians, who would deny evolution, live as if it were true when they complain about trials as if they've been dealt a bad hand in the game of life. When things go wrong, they don't stop to acknowledge that God is dealing with them and to submit to His sovereignty.
I'm not talking about a blind resignation to events, where we blame God for our own irresponsibility. We are responsible for our actions, and yet God is sovereign over all and we must submit to Him. Each person is responsible for his own sin, and yet God overrules even the sinful things people do and uses them to accomplish His purpose. When you submit to God's ultimate sovereignty, you can say with Joseph, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good." The key to reconciliation with those who have hurt you is your attitude, and the key to your attitude is relating every event in your life to God and submitting to His loving sovereignty in those events.
I still haven't answered the question, "What about those who have wronged me? Don't they need to change? Can there be true reconciliation if they don't repent?" For there to be complete reconciliation, all parties concerned must come under the lordship of Jesus Christ. If Joseph's brothers had refused to repent of their sinful ways, there could only have been a strained truce, at best. We live in a sinful world, where God has given people freedom of choice. Sometimes, in spite of our having the right attitude and being rightly related to God, those who have wronged us continue in their sinful ways. Not every relationship will work out neatly or quickly. But when it does, it's worth all the time and effort expended to make it right.
But whether it works out or not, we each are responsible for our own attitude before God. When my attitude is right and God is the center of my life, often it will motivate the one who wronged me to deal with his sin before God. When he sees that I harbor no resentment or bitterness for what he did to me, often he will be drawn to the God who has given me such grace. Assuming you have a right attitude before God, I conclude by giving two action points on how to deal with the one who has wronged you.
Conclusion
So what do we do until the other person repents? Do we sit with our arms folded, thinking, "When he comes crawling to me, begging for forgiveness, I'll do it, but not until then!" If that's your attitude, you haven't forgiven the person as God wants you to. If you've forgiven him, you won't make him pay, because you absorb the cost of his wrong. If you've forgiven him, you won't be hoping he gets zapped, but you'll be praying and earnestly desiring that he will come into a right relationship with God. You'll have the joy and peace of Christ in your heart, and you'll want the same for him.
So what do you do while you wait for him to repent? Are you ready for this? You look for opportunities to do kind things for him. Remember, it's the kindness of God that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). God Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men (Luke 6:35). Just as Joseph was kind to his brothers by returning their money, stuffing their sacks with extra grain, feeding them, talking kindly to them, and now, promising to provide for them and their families, so we must do kind things for those who have wronged us.
When the time is right and the person seems to be sorry for what he's done, express your forgiveness verbally. You need to do it privately, as Joseph did. You shouldn't paper over the offense or pretend that it wasn't serious. Twice Joseph states their crime of selling him (45:4, 5). But his focus wasn't on their crime, but on how God overruled things. He wanted to help his brothers trust in the sovereign God who can even use our past sinfulness for His glory. Also, express your feelings, not just words. Joseph openly wept and he hugged and kissed each of his brothers (45:14, 15). People need to feel that they're forgiven, not just to hear it.
2. As God gives opportunity, help the estranged ones to see God's perspective. Joseph explains to his brothers how God was at work in this whole process (45:5‑8). If he had explained things earlier, they would not have been teachable, but now they are ready to listen. This may involve more pain for you as you wait for God to deal with them. While Joseph waited for God to deal with his brothers, he also waited to see his father, which he badly wanted to do. Like Joseph, you may have to wait for years before the person comes to repentance or before there can be a face to face meeting. But then, when God works it out, you can help him to interpret the past events from God's perspective.
You may even have the joy of leading the one who wronged you to personal faith in Jesus Christ. The good news is that though we all have wronged God, through Christ's death on the cross He paid the penalty we deserved. As you model His love and forgiveness, it could open the door for the one who wronged you to experience God's forgiveness, which is his greatest need. God has given to us "the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation" (2 Cor. 5:18‑19). If you will deal with your attitude by forgiving those who have wronged you and by submitting yourself to the sovereign God's dealings with you, He will use you as His agent of reconciliation to those who have wronged you. And you will know the joy of restored, loving, God-centered relationships.
