1 COR. 7:1-13 COMMENTARIES
CONTEXT: Paul is writing this letter in response to a report from Chloe's people about problems in the Corinthian church (1:11). In this letter, he provides apostolic guidance for dealing with those problems. In chapters 1-6, Paul dealt with problems brought to his attention by people from Corinth. Now, in chapter 7, he begins to address "the things about which you wrote to me" (7:1). First, he addresses a slogan of these Corinthian Christians, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" (7:1). This slogan is an expression of asceticism-self-denial as a spiritual discipline. We need to keep in mind that Corinth is a Greek city and these Corinthian Christians have been influenced by Greek philosophy, which tends toward dualism. Dualism sees the physical (such as the human body) as intrinsically evil and the spiritual (such as the soul) as good. The slogan, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman," is consistent with Greek dualism-but at odds with the Judaism and Christianity, which see the whole person-indivisible body and soul. Corinthian Christians probably felt comfortable quoting this slogan to Paul, because Paul was unmarried and had expressed his preference for that state (as he does in this chapter, in verse 8).
In these first five verses, Paul throws his weight around and exhorts us to fulfill our sexual desires through a loving, sacrificial relationship with our spouse. Paul begins with these words: "Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman" (7:1). Chapter 7 begins a new section of 1 Corinthians. The words, "Now concerning" prepare the reader for Paul's response to the Corinthians' question.1 In the first six chapters of this letter, Paul has been dealing with sinful struggles in the life of the church in Corinth that he had heard about through Chloe's people (cf. 1:11). But now, beginning in 7:1, Paul is going to respond to a whole series of questions that were addressed to him in a letter from the leadership of the church in Corinth. They were questions about practical issues like marriage, divorce, singleness, food offered to idols, spiritual gifts, public worship, what happens to our bodies when we die, and finally, a concern about an offering to be taken for some believers in Jerusalem who were in poverty. Paul will devote the rest of this letter to answering these questions.
In 7:1b, Paul cites a line from the Corinthians' letter ("it is good for a man not to touch a woman"), which he intends to qualify and correct.2 The phrase, "it is good for a man not to touch a woman,"3 has nothing to do with a hug, a handshake, or any other manifestation of fellowship or friendship. To "touch a woman"4 is a euphemism for sexual intercourse.5 Consequently, various English versions just drop the euphemism and translate "sexual relations" (NET, ESV). The phrase "to touch a woman" is translated "to marry" in the NIV, but this is weak. (The NIV does provide a better alternate reading.) Introducing the idea of marriage confuses the point that the Corinthians were promoting. The mindset of the Corinthians went way beyond issues of marriage or even celibacy.6 Some were promoting abstinence in the marriage relationship. The natural question is, "Why would the Corinthians not be interested in sex in the context of marriage?" We cannot know for certain, but the most likely suggestion is that there is an aesthetic group in the congregation. They believe that the highest plane of spirituality is to forgo sex.7
While this idea seems a bit odd to those of us who live in a sex-saturated society, it coincides with the doctrinal beliefs in Corinth. The Corinthians adhered to a Greek philosophical dualism that prioritizes the sprit over the body. Thus, in 6:12-20, the Corinthians justified sexual immorality because what they did in the body was not as important as what they did in the spirit. But dualism can also lead to a strong asceticism. Those who esteem the soul can argue that it is best for one to deny as many physical needs as possible. Obviously, both of these extremes are unbiblical. Paul compels us to satisfy and protect our spouse.
In 7:2, Paul gives the basic command: Continue to have sexual relations with your spouse.8 Paul writes, "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband."9 The word "but" expresses Paul's disagreement with the proposition quoted in 7:1. Paul vehemently disagrees that married couples should abstain from sexual pleasure. Paul is not anti-sex; he is pro-marriage! This is confirmed by his use of the verb "to have," which is a euphemism for sexual relations. In other words, rather than abstaining from sexual relations, Paul's expectation is that husbands and wives continue in normal sexual relations.10 Moreover, the word "have" is a present tense command that implies "keep." Thus, Paul commands, "Let each man live sexually with his wife, and let each wife live sexually with her husband." The Lord's provision for sexual immorality is to get married and have frequent sex. Marriage is the answer to immorality of all kinds. Satisfy and protect your spouse.
Paul continues his exhortation and clarification by explaining each spouse's sexual responsibilities in marriage. In 7:3, he writes, "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband."11 What does this verse mean? It means what every man hopes it means! For many of us this is one of the greatest verses in the Bible. It is a duty that we delight in. It is the one job that we want to spend overtime at. But before we get too carried away, I want us to notice a number of things: First, Paul begins by addressing husbands. He says it is the husband's duty to fulfill his wife. Now many of you husbands are saying, "Now this is one Bible verse I'll be glad to take literally." Hold your horses! Paul begins with husbands because we are the ones that are ultimately responsible for the sexual relationship. We are the spiritual leaders! Husband, here Paul indicates that you must "fulfill" your wife. This doesn't just mean sex. It means finding out what she needs, when she needs it, and how she needs it. Of course, I realize that you don't have a clue how to do this. That's where communication comes in. You are responsible for facilitating communication with your wife. Ladies, this means that you have to tell your husband how he can "minister" to you. If you do not communicate and respond to him well, he will become disillusioned and frustrated.
Second, Paul begins with husbands because they often neglect to fulfill this command. In the course of my pastoral counseling, I have known slightly more men who have struggled to fulfill their duty than vice versa. A big misnomer is that women are the ones that always have a headache. This is not always true. Some men are too tired when it is time for sex. Many men are addicted to porn, which takes away a husband's sexual drive for his wife. Often, it is just a matter of laziness. Some men know that sex can take a while and they are just lazy, so they fail to fulfill their duty to their wife. Yet, women experience intimacy through sex. Furthermore, when you deprive your wife of sex, she is left feeling like you don't find her attractive.12 Husband, satisfy and protect your wife.
Third, Paul honors and elevates women. So many people like to suggest that Paul is a male sexist pig. However, I wonder if these individuals have carefully read the Bible. Like Jesus, Paul always takes a high view of women. In this context, Paul is moving away from the usual Roman norm in which the husband dominated the wife. In Christian marriages, there is a mutuality of relationship. He clearly elevates women and also declares them to be sexual creatures that have desires and needs.13 Husbands, this means you must meet the sexual needs of your wife. This includes her emotional, mental, and spiritual needs as well. When you put your wife's needs first, by God's grace, your sexual needs will be met as well.
Now, wives, this verse also applies to you. You are commanded by God to fulfill your husband's sexual needs. Paul also makes a point here of using the word "fulfill," meaning "to make full, to bring to completion, to develop the full potential." The word fulfill is a present active command. This means that you should ensure that your husband is fully satisfied and vice versa. Ladies, whatever your husband wants that is not immoral or illegal, give it to him. Make sure that your marriage bed is so hot that your husband will not ever go looking elsewhere! There is nothing dirty about this; it is entirely biblical. Why should the world have the greatest sex? The greatest sex should be among married couples who are devoted to Christ. Wife, satisfy and protect your spouse.
Now, please understand, this verse teaches that sex is a delight, but it is also a duty. A "duty" is a moral or legal responsibility or obligation that arises from one's position. It is the duty of each married person to meet the sexual needs of his or her partner. This means sex should never be used as a bribe or reward for good behavior, or as something to be withheld as a threat or punishment. It is a "duty!" The spouse who withholds sex sins against God and his or her partner.
For instance, let's say the husband makes sexual overtures to his wife. The Bible teaches that it is her responsibility as his wife to have sex. Why? Because in this case, the husband has a sexual drive, seeking fulfillment and it's her duty to make sure his needs are met. Therefore, whenever your spouse initiates sex in your direction, make sure you keep in mind that you are under God-given direction to meet your spouse's sexual needs. This is what you signed up for. You made this commitment before God and mankind. Therefore, before a couple gets married, the question needs to be asked, "Are you willing to be sexually available to your spouse till death do you part?" If the answer is, "Well, I'm not so sure about that," I would suggest that the couple postpone their marriage or not get married at all.
Let's catch our breath and pose a question: Which of the two marital partners must be the one to decide if the sexual drives or desires are completely satisfied? The one initiating sex. In other words, the only way a husband can know if he has "fulfilled his duty" as a husband is to ask his wife, "Are your sexual needs fully satisfied? Do you feel loved?" This means, in the bedroom of a married couple anything goes-short of illegal or immoral activity.
How often should sex occur? If the average couple has sex 2-3 times a week, should Christians who are filled with the Holy Spirit and called to live supernatural lives have sex more or less frequently? I'll give you my personal bias. The more frequent your sex, the stronger your marriage bond.
Why should married partners always fulfill their duty to their spouse? This is a legitimate question that Paul answers in 7:4. "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." God sovereignly takes something away at the point of marriage and gives it as a heavenly wedding present to your spouse. The Lord doesn't ask you if He can take it, and the Lord doesn't ask you if you want it. Sovereignly, the Lord takes the authority you have had over your own body as a single individual and removes it from you for as long as you live. The term "authority" in this passage literally means to have rights over or exclusive claim to. In uncomplicated terms, God gave my body to my wife and I have nothing to say about it.
Note that Paul was careful to give both husband and wife equal rights in these verses. He did not regard the man as having sexual rights or needs that the woman does not have or vice versa. So if your wife wants to feel your muscles, let her feel them. If your husband wants to grab your bottom, let him grab it. This principle applies in the sexual realm; however, I also think there is great application in other areas of life. Several examples come to mind: tattoos, piercings, facial hair, length of hair, attire, birth control, body appearance, etc. are all decisions that your husband or wife can veto. We ought to ask, "How can I look better to you? What do you want from me? How can I serve you?"
Paul frequently uses the term "body" (soma) in its broadest, fullest, richest sense. It's everything we are physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We're designed by God to be an instrument of communication verbally, nonverbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. The physical expression of sex as communication is enjoyed in the larger context of verbal communication. The greatest sexual fulfillment comes gradually over the long haul in a marriage, as a couple learns to talk about anything, any time; when there's heart-to-heart communication, not just talking at each other, but listening actively and sensitively, caring deeply about the communication. How are you doing in these areas today?
If I were to ask your spouse, what would he or she say? Would your spouse be fulfilled and pleased by how you are treating her body or his body?
Our passage closes in 7:5 with these potent words: "Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."14 The word translated "stop depriving" literally means "do not rob one another," or "do not do fraud to one another." The word means to cheat somebody out of what is properly theirs. If you withhold your body when your partner seeks sex, it is biblical fraud.15 We have failed to satisfy and protect our spouse.
Paul writes that we may deprive each other of sex under only four conditions. First, sex can be withheld when you both agree. You can't decide by yourself to deprive your spouse of sex. Both of you must agree not to have sex in order to fit into this exception. Here's how this may work in real life: Let's say that last night your spouse rolled over in bed and made a sexual advance. Because you had a long and exhausting day, you said, "I'm really tired tonight. Would it be alright with you if we waited until tomorrow night? If not, sweetheart, you know that tonight is okay too. What would you like?"
Biblically speaking, who has the final say in this decision? The initiating partner always has the final say. If your spouse wants sex, even after hearing your request, he or she still has authority over your body. However, just because your body belongs to your spouse doesn't mean you don't have the freedom to negotiate! When the initiating partner hears a willing but tired attitude of acceptance rather than rejection, understanding should be forthcoming.
Second, sex can be deprived when you both agree to delay it for a time. Whenever a couple mutually agrees to deprive one another of sexual intimacy, the two must agree when they will have sex. To agree only to "not tonight" would not be following the biblical pattern. Scripture uses a very specific Greek word (kairos) for time here, which means a specific period of time.
Third, sex can be set aside to devote yourselves to prayer. This certainly presents a clear and rather unusual freedom for depriving yourself of sexual relations in modern society. The only biblical purpose for depriving yourselves of sex is to devote yourselves to sharing a spiritual focus in your marriage.
Finally, sex can be deprived until the two of you agree to come together again. The Bible quickly brings us back to the reality that sexual intimacy is to be the norm and never the exception. Always remember, we are called to satisfy and protect our spouse.
Now, there are two important realities to keep in mind. First, if you deprive each other you open yourself to attack. Paul blatantly states that in sexual matters, you must come together after an agreed upon time of sexual abstinence, or you will open yourself up to satanic attack. After a period of time without sex, you are to come together again. If you don't, Satan will come against you with temptations to commit sexual immorality. The longer sex is postponed in the marital partnership, the greater the risk of temptation.
Please take this very seriously. Satan is not a pushover. He is real and he is powerful. He holds millions firmly in his bondage. And he is seeking more all the time. In one of his sermons, Pastor John Piper tells a story of the experience of one of his members. On an airline flight, the person sitting next to this individual turned down a meal, and when asked why he said that he was fasting and praying to Satan. When asked what he was praying for, he said, the breakdown of ministers' marriages. If you were a Satan worshiper, and you wanted to know what the goals of your master were so that you would know how to pray, where would you go to learn? You would go to the Bible, because the Bible gives a true picture of what Satan is about in the world. And you would learn that, among other things, he is about the destruction of marriages. He is totally committed to adultery, and all the personal problems that lead to it. When you battle with sexual temptation, you battle against Satan. Not because he creates the desire, but because he so powerfully and deceptively uses the desire.16
As married couples, we must guard our marriages from Satan. He is seeking to devour the marriage bed. Therefore, don't let him into your bed. Imagine this common scenario: A couple in bed with their back turned to each other and plenty of space in between. Guess who can slither right into the marriage bed? A simple way to avoid this is being close before you drift off to sleep. Roll over and cuddle your partner every night. Put your head on his or her chest or shoulder. Play "footsies." If these intimate moments lead to making love...wonderful. But regardless, you've shared some intimate moments and are taking one additional step to protect the marriage bed.
Second, you lack self-control when you deprive each other of sex. What happens to married individuals when they don't have sex for a period of days? Satan tempts you, taking advantage of your lack of self-control. Depriving your spouse of sexual relations results in more than immediate, short-lived frustration. Continued postponement of sexual relations within a marriage places very real and unnecessary pressure on a spouse.
Sexual response and impulse touches us more than physically, it also touches us emotionally and spiritually because God made us that way. We have to avoid two opposite evils: on the one hand, the Victorian prudishness that wants to deny sex, call it something dirty, and lock it away; and on the other hand, the more modern hedonism that tells us sex is an absolute good and that we ought to pursue our sexual impulses no matter what.
If we Christians ignore sex, we will surrender it to those very cultural perversions and give the impression that sex itself is bad because it's so abused. But you can't fix what is wrong by simply negating or ignoring it. Nobody lives in the world of "no." We all have to know how to say "Yes" in the right way. It's not enough to be people who hate evil; we must also be people who love good, and we must teach our children to love good. A pastor mentioned recently that he heard a non-Christian describe Christians as "people who say 'No' to everything and go to a lot of meetings." Ouch. We're much better at saying what not to do than what to do. Sexuality is deeply perverted in our culture. But we have to do more than negate the negative. We also have to articulate powerfully the joy of God's way, to show the beauty of holiness. The word of the Lord for us today is to satisfy and protect our spouse.
In 1 Cor 7:6-24, Paul will tell us that God is happy when we are content. Therefore, if you want to bring a smile to the face of God, cultivate contentment. As you do, you will find that contentment is one of the keys to Christianity. In this passage, Paul will lay out three directives that will help us to live a life of contentment.
1. Consider marriage carefully (7:6-9).3 Paul expresses his preference that all Christians be single as he is. Nevertheless, he acknowledges that both marriage and singleness are viable options for the Christian.4 In 7:6, Paul writes, "But this I say by way of concession, not of command." Paul wants to make it clear that what he is about to say in 7:7-9 is a "concession" and not a "command."5 The word "concession" means "permission to do something."6 In 7:7-9 Paul explains his concession: "Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried7 and to widows8 that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if9 they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Paul wishes that all Christians would remain single. He will explain later in this chapter that a single man or woman is able to be more devoted to Christ (7:32-34). He will also make it clear that his concession is based upon the "present distress" he will mention in 7:2610 (most likely a famine).11 In light of these factors, Paul believes that during this specific time, it is better not to marry. Yet, even during a time of crisis Paul is a realist and says, "...it is better to marry than to burn" with unfulfilled sexual passion (7:9).
As we reflect on these three verses, two principles rise to the surface. First, celibacy is a spiritual gift and should be treated accordingly.12 In 7:7, Paul writes, "each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." Those men and women who are able to be single have been gifted by the Lord to do so. It is unlikely that marriage is a gift, since it is a normal expression for humans.13 Nevertheless, it should be treated as a gift. Thus, if you are single you should value your gift of singleness, and if you are married you ought to celebrate your marriage. This is God's express desire. Yet, often single people want to be married and married people want to be single. Our problem is a lack of contentment. We don't value God's gifts and timing. Consequently, we are always restless and dissatisfied. But it is worth recognizing that at some point in our lives each of us will be single. It may be before marriage or after marriage. Since 90% of all Americans will eventually marry, it is also likely that many people who are single will marry. God's call is for us to be content in Christ, whatever our circumstances. Remember, God is happy when we are content.
I believe most Christians reject the legitimacy of singleness. I am convinced that is the reason for so much hurt in the church regarding this issue. Directly or indirectly, subtly or not so subtly, we have ascribed to the conviction that singles are unfinished business. We say in groups and in private conversations, "Aren't you married yet?" "What's a nice girl like you doing unmarried?" "What you need is a good wife." "Found anybody to date yet?" "I'm praying the Lord will lead you to a good guy." "It's too bad he's not married." Parents say that; relatives say that. Family reunions apparently are notorious for these and similar comments. Books and articles are written from a Christian viewpoint that say, "If you will only commit your life to Christ, God will give you a marriage partner." Christ never said that. He said He will lead you to a life of meaning and purpose and fulfillment. He never said He would give you marriage. He's more concerned about other things. We need to accept the legitimacy of singleness. Simple mathematics says there are more women than men in this world, and there always will be. We need to accept singleness because there are some people whose circumstances involve singleness, and they have no opportunity to change. Others prefer not to change. We need to accept the legitimacy of singleness primarily because the Bible does.14
Second, marriage is to be encouraged not discouraged. In 7:9, Paul encourages singles to get married if they lack control and are burning. This desire is from God and is not meant to be inappropriately squelched. Often, I will be asked the question: When should our young people get married? I usually answer this question by explaining that at the time of the New Testament writings (and for hundreds of years afterward), marriage occurred closer to the age of puberty. Marriage permitted the blossoming sex drive to be fulfilled and not frustrated. Today, however, marriage is usually postponed until later in life due to modern educational, vocational, and financial pressures. The longer one postpones marriage past puberty, the more sexual temptations he or she will naturally have to face. According to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 96 percent of Americans over the age of 20 have had sex.15 Premarital sex is an epidemic in the world and in the church. We must seek to protect our young people. Does this mean that young people should get married at 13 years old? No, I'm not suggesting this. However, I am recommending that young people avoid sexual temptation and not postpone marriage until all their proverbial "ducks are in a row." If you are spiritually ready and are in a godly relationship that you are willing to commit to for the rest of your earthly life, you have the biblical freedom to marry.
But I must balance these comments by speaking to both parents and teens. Parents, apart from your child's relationship with Jesus Christ, do you realize that the most important passion you can develop in your son or daughter is to be a godly husband or wife? We typically don't give this as much thought as we should. We are more concerned about ensuring that our children get good grades, get into the right college, and learn the right profession. However, if you really want to set your child up for success, prepare your child to be a godly spouse. Teach your child responsibility and commitment. Encourage your child to look forward to marriage. Let your child know that nothing matters more than being a godly husband or wife.
Teenagers, do not attempt to use my words against your parents' wishes. Even though you may be immersed in a flame of passion that is burning you to the core of your being, most of you are not ready for marriage. A Christian marriage is a covenant before God that is filled with blood, sweat, and tears. It is not something to be entered into lightly. So if you want to get married soon or in the near future, I would suggest that you work feverishly on your relationship with Christ, prioritize your purity, and find a good job or finish college as quickly as you can.
I might also add that until God brings the right person into your life He will provide the strength to resist temptation. Two of the best means through which His strength is realized are spiritual service and physical exercise. Additionally, He expects you to avoid listening to, looking at, or being around anything that strengthens the temptation, and to focus your minds on that which is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, of good repute, of excellence and worthy of praise (see Phil 4:8).
I teach at Ecola Bible School every year. This past year, I talked to several young men about marriage. What astounded me was that these 18-19 year-old men are preparing for marriage. In fact, they aspire for marriage! I've never seen anything like it. Each of these young men told me that they would choose marriage over their own goals, their own wealth, and their own desires. What's even more impressive is that three of these men were wearing a ring on their wedding finger. They explained to me that they were waiting to have sex until they married. This thrills my heart and gives me hope.
[Paul is clear: you need to consider marriage carefully. But if you choose to get married you must...]
2. Remain married permanently (7:10-16). In this disputed section, Paul urges Christian spouses to remain married. In 7:10-11, Paul writes to Christian spouses in a Christian marriage: "But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave [divorce]16 her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife." Paul gives instructions that are from the Lord Jesus who spoke about the permanence of marriage (cf. Matt 5:32; 19:6; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:8).17 Divorce is not an option-neither for the husband to divorce his wife nor for the wife to divorce her husband. It is worth noting that there is a parenthetical statement in 7:11:18 ("but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband"). It is possible that Paul may have been making a compassionate provision for an abused woman.19 This seems to indicate that God Himself is acknowledging that some marriages, even between Christians, are so difficult and so unwholesome and so degrading that divorce is the lesser of two evils. It is as though God is regrettably tolerating a violation of one of His own principles.20 Regardless, for the believer who divorces his believing spouse there are two options: singleness or reconciliation. Remarriage to a different spouse is not biblically permissible.21
We must recognize that "divorce" is an expletive. Many of us who would never drop an expletive or use Jesus' name in vain, frequently bring up divorce. However, this is equally sinful. If you are married, God's intent and expectation is that your marriage goes the distance.22 This means when (not if) there are problems in your marriage, it is imperative that you go to the leadership of the church before it's too late. Too often, couples run to the pastors and elders when their marriage is on life support and nothing can be done to salvage it. Yes, God can and will work miracles, but it is wise to include Him in our marriage trauma before it's too late.
Paul continues his argument for the permanence of marriage in 7:12-16. But in these verses Paul writes to a believer who is married to an unbeliever: "But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?"23 Four times in 7:10-13, Paul prohibits divorce. To write it once would be sufficient. Twice would be unmistakably clear. Three times would be more than enough. But four times? The man means business!24
The importance of sexual relations in marriage - 1 Cor. 7:1-7 (Paul advised married people not to abstain from normal sexual relations.)
Verse 1
Again Paul began what he had to say by citing a general truth. Then he proceeded to qualify it (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:12-13). The use of the Greek word anthropos (man generically, people) rather than aner (man as distinguished from woman) indicates that the statement pertains to human beings generally. To "touch a woman" (NASB) was a common ancient euphemism for sexual intercourse. It was probably another Corinthian slogan (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:12-13; 1 Corinthians 6:18). Evidently the Corinthians" question was something like this. Isn"t it preferable for a Christian man to abstain from sexual relations with any woman? This would reflect the "spiritual" viewpoint of the Corinthians that held a negative attitude toward the material world and the body (cf. 1 Corinthians 6:13; 1 Corinthians 15:12).
"Some difficulty is alleviated if these words [the slogan] are regarded as a quotation from the Corinthian letter, and this is a hypothesis that may very probably be accepted [cf. 1 Corinthians 6:12-13] ..."
Another view is that "touch a woman" was a euphemism for marrying. [Note: Morris, p105.] However this meaning is difficult to prove, and I do not prefer it. If this is what he meant, Paul"s advice was to abstain from marrying. Paul wrote later that because of the present distress his readers would do well to remain in their present marital state ( 1 Corinthians 7:26). Furthermore throughout the passage Paul viewed marriage as God-ordained and perfectly proper for Christians. He also wrote that a single life is not wrong but good (Gr. kalon), though not necessarily better than a married life.
Verse 2
This verse probably begins Paul"s extended correction of the Corinthians" view of marriage. He proceeded to urge them strongly that the type of abstinence that they were arguing for within marriage was totally wrong. Notice the three sets of balanced pairs in this verse and in the two that follow. In this verse Paul urged married couples to have sexual relations with one another because of the prevalence of temptations to satisfy sexual desire inappropriately. "Having" one"s spouse was a common euphemism in non-biblical Greek for having that person sexually. [Note: Keener, p62.]
The view of 1 Corinthians 7:1 that understands Paul to be saying that it is better to avoid marrying sees Paul making a concession to that statement here. Those who hold this view believe that Paul was saying that it is better to marry since many single people cannot live in the single state without eventually committing "immoralities" (fornication, Gr. porneias). This is obviously not the only reason to marry (cf. Genesis 2:18-24), but it appears to have been an important consideration in Corinth where temptations to fornicate abounded. As noted above, I do not favor this interpretation. Another unappealing interpretation is as follows.
"This [i.e, "each ... each"] forbids polygamy, which was advocated by some Jewish teachers."
Verse 3
In view of the temptation to commit fornication, each partner in marriage needs to fulfill his or her sexual duty to the spouse. Part of the responsibility of marriage is to meet the various needs of the partner ( Genesis 2:18), including sexual needs.
Verse 4
Moreover in marriage each partner relinquishes certain personal rights, including the exclusive right to his or her own body, to which he or she gives the mate a claim. Neither person has complete authority over his or her own body in marriage. Note that Paul was careful to give both husband and wife equal rights in these verses. He did not regard the man as having sexual rights or needs that the woman does not have or vice versa.
Verse 5
Evidently the Corinthians, at least some of them, had concluded that since they were "spiritual" they did not need to continue to have sexual relations as husband and wife. Another less probable situation, I think, is that there were some married Christians in the church who were overreacting to the immorality in Corinth by abstaining from sexual relations with their mates. For whatever reason, Paul viewed this as depriving one another of their normal sexual needs and urged them to stop doing it. Husbands and wives should commit themselves to honoring the spirit of mutual ownership that these verses describe.
There are legitimate reasons for temporary abstinence, but couples should temporarily abstain only with the agreement of both partners. When there are greater needs, spiritual needs, the couple may want to set aside their normal physical needs. However they should only do so temporarily. Laying aside eating (fasting) or sleeping (watching) temporarily to engage in more important spiritual duties (e.g, prayer) is similar.
"Three conditions are required for lawful abstention: it must be by mutual consent, for a good object, and temporary."
Normally we think of sexual activity as an indication of lack of self-control, but Paul also viewed the failure to engage in sex as a lack of self-control for a married person.
Verse 6
Paul"s concession was allowing temporary abstinence from sex. The concession was not having sex. He did not command abstinence. He viewed regular marital relations as the norm. Paul was no ascetic who favored as little sex as possible. Abstinence was the exception to what was normal in his view.
Verse 7
Paul evidently was not a married man when he wrote this epistle ( 1 Corinthians 7:8). We do not have enough information about his life to know whether he had never married, had become a widower, or if his wife had left him.
To Paul the single state had certain advantages for a servant of the Lord such as himself. He had to put up with many hardships in his ministry that would have been difficult for a wife to share. Moreover God had given him grace to live as a single person without feeling consumed by the fires of lust (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:9). "Burning" was a very common description of unfulfilled passion in Greek and Roman literature.
He wished everyone could live as he did, but he realized that most could not. Each person has his or her own special gift (Gr. charisma) from God, some to live single and some to live married (cf. Matthew 19:12). These are spiritual gifts just as much as those gifts listed in chapters12-14are. The gift of celibacy is a special ability that God gives only some people to feel free from the desire or need of sexual fulfillment in marriage.
Verse 8-9 - The legitimate option of singleness 7:8-9
Paul moved from advice to the married regarding sexual abstinence to advice to the unmarried. He advised this group, as he had the former one, to remain in the state in which they found themselves, but he allowed them an exception too.
Verse 8
Who are the "unmarried" (Gr. agamois) that Paul had in view? Most interpreters have taken this word in its broadest possible meaning, namely, all categories of unmarried people. Others, however, take it to refer to widowers since Paul also specified widows in this verse and since he dealt with males and females in balance in this chapter. There is a Greek word for "widowers," but it does not appear in the koine Greek period. Agamos served in its place. [Note: See ibid, pp287-88 for additional support for this view.] I prefer the former view: all unmarried people.
The unmarried state has some advantages over the married state even though it is better for most people to marry ( Genesis 2:18). Since singleness is not a sinful condition, married people should not look down on single people or pity them because they are unmarried. Sometimes married people tend to do this because singles do not enjoy the pleasures of married life. Notwithstanding they enjoy the pleasures of single life that married individuals do not. Married people should not pressure single people to get married just because they are single.
Verse 9
However if a single person cannot or does not control his or her passions, it would be better to marry than to burn with lustful temptation (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:2). If a single has very strong sexual urges that may very well drive him or her into fornication, he or she would be wise to get married if possible. Of course a believer should marry a suitable Christian mate. This may be easier said than done, especially for a woman. The Lord has promised to provide the basic needs of those who put Him first in their lives (e.g, Matthew 6:33). I believe He will do so in answer to prayer either by providing a suitable mate or by enabling the single person to control his or her sexual passions. In either case, He gives more grace ( 1 Corinthians 10:13).
Verse 10-11 - No divorce for Christians whose mates are believers 7:10-11.
"While Paul displays ambivalence toward whether widowers and widows should get married ( 1 Corinthians 7:8-9), he consistently rejects the notion that the married may dissolve their marriages."
Verse 10
The Lord Jesus Christ gave instruction concerning what believers are to do in marriage when He taught during His earthly ministry ( Matthew 5:27-32; Matthew 19:3-12; Mark 10:1-12). Paul cited some of this teaching and added more of his own. This is one of the rare instances when Paul appealed directly to Jesus" teachings (cf. 1 Corinthians 9:14; 1 Corinthians 11:23; 1 Timothy 5:18). Usually he taught in harmony with Jesus without citing Him. Of course, God"s instructions through Paul are just as inspired and authoritative as His teaching through Jesus Christ during His earthly ministry. This is one of Paul"s few commands in this chapter (cf. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5).
The main point of Paul"s advice is that Christians should not break up their marriages ( Matthew 19:4-6; Mark 10:7-9). "Leaving" and divorcing ( 1 Corinthians 7:12-13) were virtually the same in Greco-Roman culture. [Note: Ibid, p293.] "Separate" (Gr. chorizo) was vernacular for "divorce." In our day one popular way to deal with marriage problems is to split up, and this has always been an attractive option for many people. Nevertheless the Lord's will is that all people, including believers, work through their marital problems rather than giving up on them by separating permanently.
Verse 11
If separation (divorce) occurs, they should either remain unmarried (i.e, stay as they are) or reconcile with their mate. Paul said this was to be the wife"s course of action because if she left her husband she would be the mate who had to decide what to do. However the same procedure would be appropriate for the husband. In Greco-Roman culture wives could divorce their husbands, but among the Jews they could not. [Note: Bruce, 1,2Corinthians, p69.] Only the husband could initiate a divorce ( Deuteronomy 24:1).
I believe Paul did not deal with the exception that Jesus Christ allowed on the grounds of fornication (Gr. porneia; Matthew 5:32; Matthew 19:9) because it is an exception. Paul wanted to reinforce the main teaching of Christ on this subject, namely, that couples should not dissolve their marriages.
Some of the Corinthian Christians appear to have been separating for ascetic reasons: to get away from sexual activity. In many modern cultures the reason is often the opposite; people often divorce to marry someone else. Regardless of the reason for the temptation, Paul commanded Christian husbands and wives to stay together and to share their bodies as well as their lives with each other. It is impossible for a Christian husband and wife to provide a model of reconciliation to the world if they cannot reconcile with each other.
Verse 12-13
"The rest" refers to persons not in the general category of 1 Corinthians 7:10. Paul had been speaking of the typical married persons in the church, namely, those married to another believer. Now he dealt with mixed marriages between a believer and an unbeliever, as the following verses make clear.
For these people he could not repeat a teaching of Jesus because He had not spoken on this subject. At least as far as Paul knew He had not. Nevertheless the risen Lord inspired Paul"s instructions on this subject so they were every bit as authoritative as the teaching Jesus gave during His earthly ministry.
The Corinthians may have asked Paul if a believing partner should divorce an unbelieving mate rather than living mismatched with him or her. This is the problem he addressed. He counseled the believer to go on living with the unbeliever if the unbeliever was willing to do so.
"The point is clear: in a mixed marriage the Christian partner is not to take the initiative ... in a move towards [permanent] separation."
BLB: Study Guide for 1 Corinthians 7 - Principles Regarding Marriage and Singleness
A. Answer to a question about sexual relations in marriage.
1. (1Cor. 7:1-2) Paul enlarges on the principle of purity.
1 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.
a. Concerning the things of which you wrote to me: Chapter seven begins a section where Paul will deal with specific questions asked him in a letter by the Corinthian Christians.
b. It is good for a man not to touch a woman: Here, "touch" is used in the sense of having sexual relations. This was probably a statement made by the Corinthian Christians, which they were asking Paul to agree with. Paul will agree with the statement, but not without reservation - the Nevertheless of verse two.
i. Why would the Corinthian Christians suggest complete celibacy - which is what is meant by a man not to touch a woman? They probably figured that if sexual immorality was such a danger, then one could be more pure by abstaining from sex altogether, even in marriage.
ii. "The idea that marriage was a less holy state than celibacy, naturally led to the conclusion that married persons ought to separate, and it soon came to be regarded as an evidence of eminent spirituality when such a separation was final." (Hodge)
c. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband: In light of the danger of sexual immorality (ever present in the Corinthian culture - and our own), it is appropriate for husband and wife to have each other in a sexual sense.
i. Paul is not commanding the Corinthian Christians to get married (an issue he deals with later in the chapter), but a command to live as a married person, especially in the sexual sense. Paul is saying that husbands and wives should be having sexual relations.
ii. "What miserable work has been made in the peace of families by a wife or a husband pretending to be wiser than the apostle, and too holy and spiritual to keep the commandments of God!" (Clarke)
d. Paul is not saying sex is the only reason for marriage, or the most important reason for marriage. Paul is simply answering their specific questions about marriage, not trying to give a complete theology of marriage.
i. For more on a complete theology of marriage, see Ephesians 5:21-33 and Colossians 3:18-19.
2. (1Cor. 7:3-6) The principle of mutual sexual responsibility in marriage.
3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But this I say by way of concession, not of command.
a. Instead of a man not to touch a woman, within marriage, a husband must render to his wife the affection due her. It is wrong for him to withhold affection from his wife.
i. The affection due her is an important phrase; since Paul meant this to apply to every Christian marriage, it shows that every wife has affection due her. Paul doesn't think only the young or pretty or submissive wives are due affection; every wife is due affection because she is a wife of a Christian man!
ii. Paul also emphasizes what the woman needs: not merely sexual relations, but the affection due her. If a husband is having sexual relations with his wife, but without true affection to her, he is not giving his wife what she is due.
iii. Affection also reminds us that when a couple is unable - for physical or other reasons - to have a complete sexual relationship, they can still have an affectionate relationship, and thus fulfill God's purpose for these commands.
b. On the same idea, also the wife to her husband - the wife is not to withhold marital affection from her husband. Paul strongly puts forth the idea that there is a mutual sexual responsibility in marriage; the husband has obligations towards his wife, and the wife has obligations towards her husband.
i. Render to his wife: The emphasis is on giving, on "I owe you" instead of "you owe me." In God's heart, sex is put on a much higher level than merely being the husband's privilege and the wife's duty.
c. The wife does not have authority over her own body: In fact, these obligations are so concrete, it could be said that the wife's body does not even belong to herself, but her husband. The same principle is true of the husband's body in regard to his wife.
i. This does not justify a husband abusing or coercing his wife, sexually or otherwise. Paul's point is that we have a binding obligation to serve our partner with physical affection.
ii. It is an awesome obligation: out of the billions of people on the earth, God has chosen one, and one alone, to meet our sexual needs. There is to be no one else.
d. Do not deprive one another: Paul rebuffs their idea that husband and wife could be more holy by sexual abstinence. In fact, harm can come when they deprive one another, as they open the door to the tempter (so that Satan does not tempt you).
i. The word for deprive is the same as defraud in 1 Corinthians 6:8. When we deny physical affection and sexual intimacy to our spouse, we are cheating them.
ii. Do not deprive: Sexual deprivation in marriage has not only to do with frequency, but with romance also. This is why Paul tells husbands to render to his wife the affection due her. Either deprivation gives occasion for the deprived to look elsewhere for fulfillment - to the destruction of the marriage.
iii. For your lack of self-control: It might be easy to think that self control is expressed by abstaining from sexual relations in marriage, but Paul says that to deprive one another is to show a lack of self-control, and a lack of self-control that will leave one easy to be tempted by Satan.
e. I say this as a concession: God will permit (reluctantly, as a concession) a married couple to abstain from sexual relations for a short time, for the sake of fasting and prayer. But if this concession is used, it is only to be for a time, and then husband and wife must come together again in a sexual sense.
i. Not as a commandment: God is not commanding, or even recommending, such abstaining from sex within marriage; but it can be done for a brief time for a specific spiritual reason.
f. The principle in this passage is important. God makes it clear that there is nothing wrong, and everything right, about sex in marriage. Satan's great strategy, when it comes to sex, is to do everything he can to encourage sex outside of marriage, and to discourage sex within marriage. It is an equal victory for Satan if he accomplishes either plan!
i. This can be seen in the way some of the Corinthian Christians thought it was just fine to hire the services of a prostitute (as in 1 Corinthians 6:12-20), and other Corinthian Christians thought it was more spiritual for a husband and wife to never have sexual relations!
ii. A Christian husband and wife must not accept a poor sexual relationship. The problems may not be easily overcome, or quickly solved, but God wants every Christian marriage to enjoy a sexual relationship that is a genuine blessings, instead of a burden or a curse.
3. (1Cor. 7:7-9) Paul recognizes the benefits of singleness, but also of marriage; all is according to how God gifts.
7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
a. For I wish that all men were even as I myself: Paul, at the time of this writing, was unmarried (putting himself among the unmarried and the widows). Here he is recognizing the benefit of being single (which he will speak more of later in the letter).
i. Though Paul was unmarried at when he wrote this letter, he probably had been married at one time. We can say this because we know Paul was an extremely observant Jew, and an example among his people (Philippians 3:4-6). In Paul's day, Jews considered that marriage was a duty, to the extent that a man reaching 20 years of age without having been married was considered to have sinned. Unmarried men were often considered excluded from heaven, and not real men at all.
ii. Also, by Paul's own words, it is likely that Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin (in Acts 26:10, Paul says I cast my vote against them, speaking of the early Christians). An unmarried man could not be a member of the Sanhedrin. So, what happened to Paul's wife? The Scriptures are silent. Perhaps she left him when he became a Christian, or perhaps she died some time before or after he became a Christian. But we know that it was likely he was married before, and we know he was not married when writing this letter (and there is no appearance of a wife for Paul in Acts). Paul probably was a good one to speak of the relative gifts and responsibilities of both marriage and singleness.
b. Each one has his own gift from God: Though Paul knew singleness was good for him, he would not impose it on anyone. The important thing is what gift one has from God, either being gifted to singleness or marriage.
i. Significantly, Paul regards both marriage and singleness as gifts from God. Many find themselves in the "grass is greener" trap, with singles wishing they were married and married people wishing they were singles. Each state is a gift from God.
ii. And, to be single or married is a special gifting from God. When Paul writes his own gift, he uses the same word for spiritual gifts in 1 Corinthians 12. Each state, married or single, needs special gifting from God to work.
iii. Paul's understanding that the unmarried state can be a gift is especially striking when we consider the Jewish background of Paul himself and the early church. It was regarded as a sin for a Jewish man to be unmarried. "Among the Jews marriage was not held a thing indifferent, or at their own liberty to choose or refuse, but a binding command." (Trapp) Clarke quotes from an ancient Jewish writing known as the Gemara: "It is forbidden a man to be without a wife; because it is written, It is not good for man to be alone. And whosoever gives not himself to generation and multiplying is all one with a murderer: he is as though he diminished from the image of God".
iv. While Paul recognizes that some are gifted for marriage, and some are gifted for the unmarried state, no one is "gifted" for sexual immorality! The married must live faithfully to their spouse, and the unmarried must live celibate.
c. If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry: Paul's recommendation to marry in such cases is not based on marriage being more or less spiritual, but on very practical concerns, especially relevant to his day (as explained in 1 Corinthians 7:26, 29, 32). A godly sexual relationship within the covenant of marriage is God's plan for meeting our sexual needs.
i. Though Paul preferred the unmarried state for himself, he doesn't want anyone to think that being married was less spiritual, or more spiritual. It is all according to an individual's gifting. Remember that Paul told Timothy that forbidding to marry was a doctrine of demons (1 Timothy 4:1-3).
d. It is better to marry than to burn with passion: Paul recognizes marriage as a legitimate refuge from pressures of sexual immorality. One should not feel they are immature or unspiritual because they desire to get married so as to not burn with passion.
i. Paul is not speaking about what we might consider "normal" sexual temptation. "It is one thing to burn, another to feel heat ... what Paul calls burning here, is not merely a slight sensation, but being so aflame with passion that you cannot stand up against it." (Calvin). ii. At the same time, if someone has a problem with lust or sexual sin, they should not think that getting married will automatically solve their problems. Many a Christian man has been grieved to find that his lust for other women did not magically "go away" when he got married.
B. Answers to questions about divorce.
1. (1Cor. 7:10-11) Divorce and separation for Christian couples.
10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
a. Now to the married: Remember that in this chapter, Paul is answering questions written to him from the Corinthian Christians. He has already dealt with the questions about the relative merits of being married or single, and if it is more spiritual to abstain from sex in a marriage relationship. Now to the ... indicates he is moving to another question, and these questions and answers have to do with marriage and divorce.
b. To the married: Here, Paul is addressing marriages where both partners are Christians. He will deal with other situations in following verses.
c. A wife is not to depart from her husband: The Corinthian Christians were wondering if it might be more spiritual to be single, and if they should break up existing marriages for the cause of greater holiness. Paul answers their question straight from the heart of the Lord: absolutely not!
d. Even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: Paul, in addressing a marriage where both partners are Christians, says that they should not - indeed, can not - break up the marriage in a misguided search for higher spirituality. In fact, if one were to depart their spouse, they must either remain unmarried or be reconciled.
i. This connects with the two specific grounds under which God will recognize a divorce: when there is sexual immorality (Matthew 19:3-9) and in the case when a believing partner is deserted by an unbelieving spouse (1 Corinthians 7:15). On any other grounds, God will not recognize divorce, even if the state does. And, if God does not recognize the divorce, then the individual is not free to remarry - they can only be reconciled to their former spouse. ii. Jesus said the one who divorces for invalid reasons, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery (Matthew 19:9). When Jesus' disciples understood how binding the marriage covenant was, and how it could not be broken (in the sight of God) for just any reason, they responded If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry (Matthew 19:10). They understood Jesus perfectly, and so should more people today, before they enter into the covenant of marriage! iii. Therefore, if a person says "God just doesn't want me to be married to this person any more" or "God brought someone better to me," they are wrong and not speaking from God at all. God never recognizes a divorce for such reasons.
e. If she does depart: A Christian couple may in fact split up for reasons that do not justify a Biblical divorce. It may be because of a misguided sense of spirituality, it may be because of general unhappiness, or conflict, or abuse, or misery, addiction, or poverty. Paul recognizes (without at all encouraging) that one might depart in such circumstance, but they cannot consider themselves divorced, with the right to remarry, because their marriage had not split up for reasons that justify a Biblical divorce. i. These problems may - perhaps? justify a separation (depart), but the partners are expected to honor their marriage vows even in their separation, because as far as God is concerned, they are still married - their marriage covenant has not been broken for what God considers to be Biblical reasons.
f. And a husband is not to divorce his wife: Paul applies the same principle to husbands as to wives, and makes the important distinction between one who might depart (separation while still honoring the marriage covenant) and one who might divorce. Except for sexual immorality (as Jesus described in Matthew 19:3-9), two Christians never have a valid reason for divorce.
i. Just as importantly, Jesus never commands divorce in the case of sexual immorality. He carefully says it is permitted, and that the permission was given because of the hardness of your hearts. (Matthew 19:8)
2. (1Cor. 7:12-13) Divorce when a Christian is married to an unbelieving spouse.
12 But to the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.
a. But to the rest indicates Paul is shifting the focus from the group previously addressed, couples where both partners were Christians. Now, he speaks to any brother who has a wife who does not believe, and the woman who has a husband who does not believe.
b. I (just Paul, not the Lord) say: We should not think Paul is any less inspired by the Holy Spirit on this point. When he says not the Lord, he simply means that Jesus did not teach on this specific point, as He had in the previous situation in Matthew 19:3-9. So, if Jesus did not speak on this specific point, Jesus' inspired apostle will!
i. This is a clue that Paul may not have been conscious of the degree of inspiration he worked under as he wrote 1 Corinthians and perhaps other letters. He simply knows that though he based his remarks in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 on what Jesus taught in Matthew 19:3-9 (yet not I, but the Lord), he has no specific recorded command from Jesus in the case of a Christian married to an unbelieving spouse. He knew he was writing with God's authority to the Corinthians, but he may not have known he was speaking with authority to all the church in all ages, and being used to pen God's eternal Word. But if Paul was not fully aware of how inspired these words were, they are no less inspired because of that.
c. Let him not divorce her: If there were some Christian couples in the Corinthian church who thought they would be more spiritual if they divorced (addressed in 1 Corinthians 7:10-11), what about Corinthian Christians married to unbelievers? "Certainly," thought the Corinthians, "God can't be glorified if I'm married to an unbeliever; for the sake of spirituality, I should divorce them." To these, Paul says let him not divorce her.
i. This spiritual concern is a valid - and urgent - reason for not marrying an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14). But it is not a reason for ending an existing marriage with an unbeliever.
